I was actually ranting about my personal life since Tumblr’s the only place to do it without judgement - or so I thought. It had nothing to do with writing or fandoms. And as for anyone waiting for any free story I may plan to post, I think it’s sweet and I adore those who stand behind me and/or just love what HAS been posted for what is IS without expected strings attached, but… well it’s your choice to wait or not. I’ve never guaranteed anything with a firm time limit or 100% promise for delivery. I set goals and sometimes my life takes a front seat to those goals. I apologize if my life priorities has affected your life in any way. Sincerely.
Ian (or Rob, of course, though I know it most likely won’t happen) would be the only two actors that would make me watch the movie. They’re the only two that I could ever see as Christian. I haven’t read the published edition of the trilogy (or the ending of the story at all), but I would if they were cast.
As for Mark… IDK. Maybe. IJDK. Never really “pictured” any other roles other than Rob or Ian as Christian/Edward, and Kristen for Bella/Ana. To be honest, I can’t even recall who Jose was in the story.
The thing about 50 Shades, in my opinion, is that the characters were so obviously written after Edward/Rob & Bella/Kristen. Even though the subject of the story was far-reached, several of the characteristics, expressions, mannerisms, etc were obviously theirs… there wasn’t any “extra” descriptions to the characters that made them stand out on their own, unlike quite a few other amazing fanfics out there, that could separate the Twi-world view in the story, so I think it’ll be really hard to cast the roles with a lot of the fanbase knowing the truth of the origin.
I don’t “expect” anyone to do anything, and I haven’t promised that TNF would indeed be posted in December. If you mark my words on here or anywhere else, I said that I’d like to make a deadline for my PERSONAL GOAL to be in December. Meaning, if I felt it were up to posting standards, if it was well-written and everything else, if it was something I could be proud of, it’d be posted. Everyone who has discussed TNF with me lately knows that I am (and have been for the longest time) struggling with life vs. writing vs. writing for myself and not for anyone else vs. dragging this on any longer when I cannot guarantee a product that will meet everyone’s expectations. I am fully aware that I will not have as many supporters as I did when TEF was finished. I am fully aware that patience is a virtue that not everyone holds. I am fully aware of all of the nasty name calling, the death threats to me and for themselves, the weekly pm’s on FFn, here, Formspring, FB, Twitter, etc that remind me that I said there’d be a sequel and I better post it, or else I will have a lot of people to answer to.
But let me just clarify something I’ve finally learned over my “hiatus”:
I don’t expect to please everyone and I am pretty well aware that the longer I wait, the more people walk away. But this story (as well as any posted, and potential others in the future) is FREE to the public and is written by CHOICE. Meaning I don’t owe anyone anything. Sometimes things work out and sometimes things don’t and other times things don’t go as planned and get pushed back. So IF AND WHEN I decide to post TNF, it will be on my terms, and if I don’t want to continue answering daily questions about it on here or anywhere else then that is my choice.
This is my story and my characters and my free time I’m putting into it and I’m sorry that it means so much to me that I don’t want to fuck it up by posting a cheap ass version of something no one will want to read. Frankly, I won’t do that. I’d rather give it up then post that. And for the past year and more — yes, much more! — I’ve changed the storylines and details so many times that I have confused myself as to who did what and said what and why this was done in TEF and should I read it again bc I can’t remember, trying to please everyone, trying not to piss people off, trying to match expectations, trying to give answers to things I no longer have answers to, trying to make a “deadline” that people have formed in their heads despite my many attempts to clarify that there is no guarantee for any specific date or outcome, trying to breathe and live my own life and deal with personal things and other stuff as well. It is hard.
I know that there are plenty of other writers that have no trouble at all juggling all these things but I took a “hiatus” (if you can call it that) to try and wrap my head around growing up and being married and dealing with things I need to and frankly, I wish I hadn’t bc I cannot go a single week without getting some sort of a shitty pm from someone saying they’re no longer waiting or that I should be ashamed of myself for asking anyone to read it or be patient. It’s hard knowing I’m disappointing people. It’s hard knowing I’ve failed in my goal. But I am tired of sugar-coating my feelings on this.
As much as I LOVE my supportive readers and as extremely grateful as I am to those who choose to stick around bc they want to, it’s others who badger me non-stop that spoil it. That puts more pressure on. That makes me want to wait even longer, that makes me second guess everything I’ve ever put into TNF, that even makes me want to consider deleting everything off of every website and walking away from all of it some days.
But I don’t because I still believe in telling a good story and I still want to stay in touch with my loyal readers and enjoy this fandom for what it is and grow in my knowledge of writing. But I’m doing it on my own terms and my own way. And even though I may get flack for this, for finally speaking my own damn mind, I know that it’s better getting shit for it than supplying the shit, and that’s what TNF would be if I just posted it and said to hell with it.
I apologize if this came off harsh, but I do not apologize for finally choosing to stand up for myself and waiting until I’m good well and ready.
TNF will be posted if/when it’s ready. End of story.
E: Do you ever stay away?
R: Not as long as I keep you worried.
made for visual inspiration for my upcoming sequel to TEF
I might be the same writer… if you’re referring to a few Twilight fics with the same writer name as this one. :D And if so, thank you so much! <3 xo